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Thursday, March 1, 2012

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO (Open letter to my Garnier Nutrisse shampoo and conditioner)

Dear GN,

I have been going steady with you since first we met. However, lately I'm not feeling the love. Yes, I'm breaking up with you.

From the moment I first saw you on the shelves, I was attracted to you. You were so good-looking in your sleek containers and rich green color. I couldn't wait to take you home. From the very start, I fell totally in love with you.

Yeah, you have always been a bit difficult to get to know. That snug little cap that some young product designer thought would set you off has proven to be a detriment to our relationship. There are times when you just won't open up to me. I've begged you... "C'mon, baby...Spill it..." But to no avail. The only way for me to get to you was to pry you against the ceramic shelf built into my shower.

I have begged you and cursed you and broken my nails trying to get to your inner core, but you don't seem to care.

When I do manage to get you to open up, I fall in love with you all over again. Your product makes my hair clean and silky and it smells great, but lately I've been asking myself, is it worth all this trouble and sacrifice on my part when you obviously don't care about my feelings?

I have to confess that I'm in a new relationship now. I took home another product, a great big handsome bottle of Pantene. True, Pantene is creamy and white as opposed to your gorgeous transparent green, but I'm asking myself, do I really want to put something green in my hair? Pantene is truly supportive and easy to get to know. He's bigger and bulkier than you. Yeah, I can go for that...a product I can get my hands on. And he opens up for me all the time. From what I can tell, this Pantene really gets me.

So, have a nice life, Garnier Nutrisse...See ya around, but I'm sticking with the one that loves me back...
~J.D.
(The opinions expressed above, belong solely to J.D. and may not be shared by her blog-mates...)

30 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. But true....Well, it was fun while it lasted. <3
      ~J

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  2. I think many of us have had this difficult relationship with various shampoos (and conditioners!), leading to much cursing in the shower, but you're the first one brave enough to...well...put it in writing. So long, sucka.

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    Replies
    1. My thinking exactly. I gave GN plenty of chances, but he just wasn't that into me.
      ~J

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  3. I thing that once I finally got that Garnier Nutrisse open, I'd pour that sucker into another easier to open container....

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  4. LOL, JD!

    Thanx for the giggle!

    Good luck on your new "relationship!" :D

    ~Jane~

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    Replies
    1. My pleasure, Jane.
      Yeah, it's gotta be give and take.
      ~J

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  5. You go, girl. I'm calling Neil Sedaka on speed-dial now.

    Divorce is hard. Stay strong, and when GN comes back to seduce you, just say no! Don't give in to silky and soft promises that only last a day. Don't let the flash of green buy you. Don't forget how GN hurt you! Tell him you don't need him anymore! Stay strong, sister.

    Hold it, are we talking about hair care products or my last boyfriend? :-)

    Hugs, J.
    Michele Hart

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    Replies
    1. I hear ya. Some relationships are just the same. Fun for a while, but then they become way too one-sided. Fortunately for me, I have the break-up script memorized.
      *hugs*
      ~J

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  6. Sooooo been there. Never, ever take GN back. GN doesn't love you the way P does. Besides, green stuff. Really? Ewwww!

    Thanks for the morning laugh!

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    Replies
    1. I'm hanging tough, Jaye. I know about the green. What was I thinking?
      ~J

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  7. Love it!!!

    Good luck with your new relationship!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, AnneMarie. Out with the old. In with the new. Never look back.
      ~J

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  8. I had the same problem with my dishwashing detergent.

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    Replies
    1. Sad story, Heather. I'm so distraught to think that you wash dishes. I was hoping you had a staff of servants to do that for you. Isn't that what all authors aspire to?
      *hugs*
      ~J

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  9. Oh so true. Your hands are wet and slippery, and you slide them down that smooth body, then , just as you know you are truly ready...nothing happens.

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    Replies
    1. Great image, Susan. You should be a romance writer...Oh, wait!
      *hugs*
      ~J

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  10. LOL! Great post, I'm still laughing! :) I'm searching for the best no-poo shampoo at the moment. I'm told there will be no frizz afterward. Is that even possible??? LOL

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    Replies
    1. Lies...Lies...They all lie until it's too late and you take them home. Then you find out what they're really like.
      ~J

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  11. Hysterical post, J.D. Well done!

    Jane

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  12. I also have a problematic relationship with hair products. A shameful love I hide from the world for fear of condemnation. An obsession I moved across the country to avoid. Back there we began an online acquaintance. I resisted with a flick of the delete key and a toss of dulling locks. Yet here it is again a continent away. Dressed up in its shiny suit leering at me through plate glass windows this time. Brazen on the street where everyone can see. "You thought you'd get away but I have found you." I struggle against fantasies of shampoo scent caressing my senses.. the silky slip of conditioner along my scalp. Equally irresistible is the exotic name I dare not speak redolent of dark places I fear to enter. I surrender to sin in the end. Grandma gasps in heaven. She taught me better than this. I google 12-step programs in despair. Then I remember scent and silk and find myself lasciviously lost. Doomed to pay too much for my shampoo.
    Alice Orr.. in an unsensible moment.. http://publishingsensefromaliceorr.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. There you go! Another victim speaks out. Good luck with the rehab program...or the relapse, whichever comes first.
      ~J

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  13. Oh that was fun! Thanks for the smile. :)
    ~Rose

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Rose. Thanks for the visit.
      *hugs*
      ~J

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  14. Writers can break up with creativity every time....Thanks for the chuckle.

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    Replies
    1. We try to be creative in all our projects and encounters. Glad you enjoyed it.
      ~J

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  15. Hi J, How long before my comment is posted? Did this twice, n frankly it was best when fresh, not unlike your poo relationships.
    Don't know if I'm in thicking conditioner to redo my do.

    Honestly, the first was my best,and needs to be the last. Like all great relationships.

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  16. Hi DeAnne!
    I didn't find any other post. I did remove one reply (absolutely not yours) to our first blog and that was because it was totally inappropriate for a family-friendly blog. Sorry Blogger ate your post.
    *hugs*
    ~J

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